i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
