got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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