The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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