yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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