GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
