WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
