How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
