I love black thongs
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
