I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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