I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
