Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
