I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
