I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
