The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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