i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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