tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
