My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
