A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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