i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
