how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
