I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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