I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
