Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
