Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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