I should be sponsored by Trojan
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
