I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
