And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
