I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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