all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
