Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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