My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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