It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
