Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
