There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
