i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
