You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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