actually, I'm a sock model
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
