Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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