I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
