It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
