Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
