Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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