don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
