It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
