When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
