Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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