i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
