god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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