I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
