I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
