one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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