I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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