I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
