Welp...herpes.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
