On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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