His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
