Your dad touched me again.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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