every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
