My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
