Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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